12 Areas that Mess up Relationships (“The Dirty Dozen”)

Relationships need not be confusing, emotional rollercoasters. There is actually a science and system to relationships. Once we know the structure behind relationships, we can then plan and anticipate with our partner to ensure we create a magical relationship with one another.

Let’s take a look 12 areas that can mess up relationships and how to anticipate and fix it.

1. Money

If two partners are not on the same page with money, this can create resentment. Sit down and create agreements with one another on how you will resolve money. Create the rules and exceptions to the rule that will co-create magic in your relationship.

Also, know that you may have a different references or rules when it comes to money. It’s important to be aware of what your subconscious rules are already around money. Because if your partner is violating those rules you are going to get upset.

So, get it all out on the table.

What are your rules around money?
What do you believe is right and wrong with money?
Is your partner violating any of those rules?
What are the exceptions to those rules?

Now that you both have your own rules on the table, discuss what guidelines you want that would both support you in this area.

Even better, what’s the “Fix it Forever” solution to this? What solution would fix disagreements around money you may have forever.

Oh and since preferences change and adaptions usually need to be made, and make sure to have a reminder or put in your relationship system to come back every 3 months and journal on these topics again.

2. Kids, Parenting

Now, ask the same questions in relation to parenting. We all have different viewpoints and models of the world in this area. Let’s get on the same page by first understanding where we are coming from in relation to kids and parenting, then understanding where our partner is coming from. From that place of understanding, we can create mutual beneficial rules.

What are your rules around kids and parenting?
What do you believe is right and wrong in relation to kids and parenting?
Is your partner violating any of those rules?
What is the positive intent behind your partner’s actions?What are the exceptions to those rules?
What would support you both to create in this area?
What’s the fix it forever solution in this area?
How often will you come back and revisit this question

3. Sex / Attraction

For relationships to work, we must not only feed our spiritual side, we must feed the animal side. Sex is one of the most potent energies in the world. It’s important to get on the same page of our sexual desires, styles, and attractions. Learn your erotic love blue print by checking out Jaiya’s quiz. That will help your understanding in this area. From there, you can properly journal the same questions from above.

Also, it’s important to know about the masculine and feminine energy dynamics in a relationship. We all carry both energies regardless of our gender. For some, the masculine is more prominent and for some, the feminine. If both partners are more masculine or more feminine at their core, the relationship may be harder because there will be a lack of polarity.

Both partners can interchange between the masculine and feminine in different situations, but it’s that opposite polarity which creates sexual attraction, among other things.

Subscribe to this blog and we’ll discuss other ways to create sexual attraction.

4. Time

How do you and your partner view time? One may desire punctuality and one may see that as too constrictive. Journal the same questions in relation to time.

5. House Responsibilities / Roles / Decisions

Who is in charge of what? When this isn’t clear in the relationship, resentment can be created.

What is your partner good at?
What are you good at?
What are neither of you good at? How can you assign or hire someone to handle that area?
In which areas do you want to have more free time in? How can you hire someone to take over that area?
What do you want to be in charge of?
What does your partner want to be in charge of?
What are the expectations going to be in this are?
How often and when will those roles be handled?

6. Family, In-Laws, Religion

Family can be a big intruder in relationships. What’s most important is you put your partner first, above family. Otherwise, the needs and belief patterns of family members can mess up the relationship. You partner is not your mom or your dad. You chose your partner.

If parents got their needs fulfilled from their interactions with their children, they may become subconsciously defensive of their children and jealous of a new love in their life. The “No one is good enough for my child syndrome” may just be hidden jealousies and unaware protective mechanisms the parents has built in. In reality, those can cause more harm than good to their own children.

Journal the same questions about these areas.

7. Friends

Friends can also be a hamper. Either a partner doesn’t like your friends or your friends don’t like your partner. Getting feedback from friends can be beneficial, but remember they’re all coming from their own perspective. Are you friends in happy and successful relationships? If not, why are you listening to them? Model your behavior and get advice from those who have walked to the path.

8. Health and Wellness, Drugs, and Alcohol

How we view and handle our health is very important. Does our partner value eating healthy and exercising but we do not? Do we have different views on alcohol and drug use. Mismatched expectations can create rifts in relationships. Journal the same questions to ensure you get on the same page in this area and create mutually beneficial rules.

9. Safety

How do you and your partner view safety? Is one of your a daredevil and the other not? One partner’s dare devil activities will make the other feel unsafe and scared. If you’re not on the same page in this area, it will be hard to have a fulfilling relationship. On the other hand, asking a daredevil personality to stop would be suffocating their freedom and soul. Journal and come up with agreements in this area that will have you both fulfilled.

10. Work and Work Ethic

If one of you is very driven and the other is not, this can create problems. It also could be a beautiful balance if you see it that way. Usually we think we want to attract someone with the same work ethic as us, but in actuality that can create de-polarization. You may want someone who has a drive similar to yours, but not exactly like yours.

11. Communication and Argument Styles

We have different communication and argument styles. When couples get in arguments, some may go into avoidance, meaning they run and hide emotionally. Some may go into anxiety, meaning they want a quick solution and to express their feelings.

When an anxious person is in relationship with an avoidance person, self awareness is key. The anxious person will bring up their concerns and the avoidant person will be inclined to run, hide. By reacting in those ways, both will feel resentment. Find out your and your partner’s attachment style.

Also, how do you like to communicate. Are you more visual, auditory or kinesthetic?

12. Habits

What are your daily habits and disciplines? Is your partner in alignment with those or do they create conflict? For example, if you’re an early bird and your partner is a night owl, that could create issues around sleeping patterns. Do you want to only stay home and your partner wants to go out?

Journal about these and look to create fix it forever solutions that serve both of you!

Happy relating!

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